Hey there!
You made it to my Artist’s Way journey – or rather, the lack thereof, currently. In March, I set my intentions to complete the 12-week Artist’s Way curriculum. I didn’t finish – I stopped at the 4th week, and I’ll tell you why in just a bit. However, first, I would like to recap my experience with the course so far.
Honestly, The Artist’s Way caused me to reevaluate my entire life. Why did I think this way? Why did I act this way? Whose voice is in my head as my voice of reason? Why do I choose these kinds of partners? Why? Why Why? I had already questioned and explored some of these things during my times of introspection (Hermit Line tings). But other things flew out of the pages, like my tendency to surround myself with people not on my level to seem superior and go unchallenged. Or my addiction to my distractions. Even worse, my fear of committing to my dreams stemmed from my family’s subconscious criticism. My shadow self was alive and well, mostly unchecked before I started the Artist’s Way challenge.
Now, almost 3 months ago, I started. If I had stayed consistent, I would have finished by now. I saw great results from following the course, so why did I stop? Introducing my addictive personality.
I’ve been paying more attention to my roots in the past few months. I’ve discussed my lineage, ancestor veneration, and informal genealogical research. It has allowed me to identify the karmic cycles I was stuck in. Karmic cycles are like levels in a game. You are on one level when you start the game (life). But if you don’t pass that level, you replay it. Looking back on my family line, I realized there were several areas where I was on the same level as my mother or grandmother. As Erkyah Badu once put it, I’m an improvement on their designs, just as my girls are an improvement on mine.
Addiction takes forms in many different ways. It’s not always substance abuse, like alcoholism; sometimes, it is more covert. Procrastination, distractions, pain, chaos, these are addictions that you might not find in the ICD-10 but are real issues, I promise. Back in 2024, I wrote a blog post titled “I’m Addicted to Procrastination.” Quitting at week 4 of the Artist’s Way showed me that I had not yet defeated the karmic cycle of addiction. Specifically my addictions to procrastination and chaos.
Week 4 of The Artist’s Way is infamous for being the point at which many who subscribe to the course tend to drop off. The weekly task, or homework, for the week is something called Reading Deprivation. This is where you eliminate any visual or auditory distractions. That means no reading, no television, no music, no social media, even limited phone calls. This is to be a week of solitude and genuine introspection, separate from any external stimulus. It’s meant to silence the outside noise so that your inner Creator can speak.
And maybe that’s what scared me the most.
What would my “inner creator” say when she’s listened to? When was the last time I listened to her? What does her voice sound like? Would she even speak?
Even as I’m writing this post, I’m channeling the lyrics, “Silence the noise in my mind, Lord. Silence the noise in my mind, I want to hear You.” I know that the voice within is the voice of the Creator, on my “Greater is he that is within me.” But why was I so afraid of what she would say?
When you know better, you’re supposed to do better. So what’s your excuse when you don’t? What was my excuse for continuing my self-sabotaging habits and relationships? What was my excuse for continuing to please people or shrinking to fit with people, places, and things? What was the reason for me not following the voice of my inner creator MONTHS, even years ago?
Remember, when you don’t pass a level, you repeat it. I’ve been working on this exact blog post since April 22, 2024. I am just now, almost six weeks later, finishing it. Why do I mention this? Sometimes, you can’t pass a level because you don’t have all the information. It’s like in education – I wouldn’t put you in Algebra 1 unless you’ve taken Pre-Algebra. Or Spanish II until you pass Spanish I. You think you’re repeating a lesson when, in reality, you were just finishing the prerequisites. It feels like a repeat when, in reality, the topic remains the same; it’s the level of difficulty that has changed. So while I feel like I’m repeating lessons, it’s really a test of my wisdom and understanding.
I hope you understand what I’m getting at here, family. I know I sometimes speak in parables, but let he that has an ear, let him hear. Now that I’ve relocated and settled into my new environment, I will be restarting my Artist’s Way journey.
Stay along for the ride to see how it ends…
More love and life to you,
Cousin Lex
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