Welcome back, family!
I’ll be honest, I’m ashamed I’m only coming to you now at the end of the month. It seems like I’ve been sitting on 15 different ideas to write about, but none have been fully written.
That’s part of how we ended up here today. If you’d have me, I’d love to be back on your screen as another reminder to Live Life Lavish!
Before we begin, thank you again for coming back to chat with me. I’m crying right now, but what’s actually new? This is something like my magic sauce for writing: tears.
These tears are inspired, amongst other things, by the daily newsletter from my new parasocial obsession: Aycee Brown. Titled Voice of Truth, Aycee’s newsletter succinctly does what LifeWithLexisKai.com has been attempting to do for the past 7 years: convey a spiritual message that leads to deep internal work.
Today’s subject line reads: “Nobody wants Tuesday.”
I skipped over the significance because honestly, it’s probably Mondays I hate the most. I have been mulling over Aries moving to Saturn ever since the final eclipse earlier this month, and keep coming to the same question: how bad do I want it?
My words say one thing, my actions another, and my habits speak a completely different language.
It’s deeper than impostor syndrome. It’s exactly how Aycee writes in the newsletter, “Are your actions in relationship with your words?”
Damn sister! You’re spilling! Now back to the tears.
The Capacity Problem Nobody Talks About
This newsletter, amongst other things, is holding a mirror to myself. In this season of expansion, overflow, abundance, there’s something to be said of capacity. I recently saw a TikTok reframe the adage that God would never put more on us than we can bear, not from the angle of hardship, but from the angle of blessings.
In other wording, we have to have the depth to hold the bounty that’s being poured into us. If not, it’s overflow. Now, that’s great until you have unsustainable habits that create the illusion of lack. And thus you, like me, find yourself on the “feast or famine” cycle.
My 2H/8H Axis Is Snitching
I learned of this cycle this weekend while using Claude to self-analyze my money wounds using Astrology. I learned two important things. First, my voice is my money-maker. I make money with my words. Second, I tend to be on a “feast or famine” cycle. This cycle is due to a Mars-Uranus opposition in my 2H and 8H, respectively. The 2nd and 8th house axis is recognized as the money axis and shows how you earn, both for yourself and through others.
This new insight was a revolution because I do feel this exact way! I have periods of great fortune, but then seasons of drought. I am currently not generating any revenue, despite operating three separate business entities. All in all, I have a great propensity for wealth, yet when it comes into my grasp, I squander it. Yeah, I’m thinking about those CARE refund checks smgdh.
Now that I have this new and helpful information, I can make a change! Finally, I could find another way to ride this wave of financial inconsistencies… through order and discipline.
Gosh-doggit!!! Again with the order and the discipline! What is it about the two I hate? It feels restrictive, I feel bound! For example, I made a whole new morning routine to test out today. I woke up exactly at 5:30am and snoozed every single alarm I set. Actually got out of bed at 7:30am and went to my usual scroll, wake, and bake schedule.
“What’s wrong with me?” is what the old Alexis would’ve said. But she’s dead. Now I ask myself, “What is my body telling me?”
And Aycee’s newsletter just shoved it in my face like a puppy to a piss stain: I have to recommit.
He Doesn’t Fire Me. He Just Recommits.
This is a skill I learned, in part, from observing my husband. Papa and I are just celebrating 3 months since we (not so) randomly eloped. Three months into being husband and wife, I have already decided I need my own apartment for at least two years.
Not because something’s wrong with my husband, he’s as perfect as a man can get, honestly. Creme of the crop, my Papa is, for sure. It’s me, I’m still damaged and hurt. I’m not as healed as I thought. But he doesn’t fire me. He just recommits.
I admire the hell out of my husband because no one knows like he does that I’m a crazy, psychotic bitch! Seriously.
Marry yourself again, where you actually mean the vows.
Aycee Brown, Voice of Truth
Well, no one else but me. Because I raised this bitch. Diagnosed her. Fed and clothed her when she ain’t even want to do it herself. I married myself before Papa ever got down on one knee. And that’s the most important part of this thing: I got to renew my vows to myself first.
I’m learning a lot in real time. About myself, about life, motherhood, daughterhood, being a wife. Existing in reality with other people. As a Pisces SN, I know how to be a spiritual being. I was incarnated with spiritual gifts, abilities, and rankings that are all too powerful, so I have to learn to ground myself in the physical world. I have to recommit to my reality.
I’m proud of myself because it’s not easy to look at yourself honestly and make swift corrections. But that’s what love actually is. And who better to love than myself?
How are you better loving yourself in this new season? Remember, April showers bring May flowers, so be kind to yourself as you go through this next phase.
Looking for a community to go through this phase together with? Join the Founding Circle of Live Life Lavish University, launching on April 17th. This is not a quick fix picker-upper, but real space to really dive deep and build your abundance capacity.
Six weeks with 10 women who are choosing to live their abundant lives that were designed with their authentic selves in mind. Hope to see you there.
And to my girl Aycee, you didn’t know you were writing to me, but you are! Thank you for being a Voice of Truth for those who hear! You are a reminder to many that we can go after the life we desire.
And this Tuesday, better watch out ’cause I got a new attitude!
Until next time,
Cousin Lex
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