Welcome to day 7 of Blogmas.
Today marks a week of me consistently writing on my blog. I’m proud of my consistency and am even working on a new podcast episode to drop tonight. My word of 2025 was consistency. It’s been special to see how I’ve fulfilled this theme in my own way.
Everything is working out better than I could’ve imagined. A part of me wants to self-sabotage. But why? Am I afraid of getting what I want? What do you do when God gives you what you want? Are you going to stand in the way of having?
I’m getting sleepy. But this podcast and this blog post will be posted before I close my eyes. And I need to eat some dinner.
I wish I felt free enough to talk about what was going on in my life. Maybe I’m waiting on someone to ask me about it. But it’s honestly a part of my visibility wound. People don’t understand how traumatizing reading your daughter’s journal is. I’m still recovering from some of those wounds 15 years later.
I’m the daughter in this scenario by the way.
I alluded to my relationship status in a previous Blogmas entry or maybe just a regular blog post. Either way, this is an example of a False Divine Masculine, or even Karmic Twin Flame. He is a mirror of I, yet the shadow side of myself. I can see him clearly and accept that it’s not what I want anymore. My shadow self reminds me a lot of my father, wounded and angry. He’s that way, too.
Very Electra complex coded of me, I know, but I’m still a human being socialized through oppressed and propagandized relationships. Basically, I’m not too smart to be susceptible to my patterns. I do, however, possess the awareness needed to change my habits.
It’s like if I knew fast food was bad for me, instead of binging on fast food and destroying my body, I eat homemade meals with fresh ingredients to take care of this vessel I was gifted. Don’t worry, y’all. Just some self-flagellation from the McDonald’s I ate today.
Either way, you don’t have to accept anything you don’t want and there’s always better. Even if you, yourself, are the better.
With all my love,
Cousin Lex
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