What’s going on, family!
I’m late again, I know. Did I tell y’all to wait up for me? Before I begin, THANK YOU! To those that read, like, comment, and subscribe.
Today, I’m pushing through my feelings. It’s been a while since I wrote from a place of so many emotions. Before I continue, I restarted The Artist’s Way, so be on the lookout for more posts about my second go around with it (on pause, right now, y’all.)
Forgive me in advance, I’m pushing through a transition.
Healing on the Beach
This morning, I woke up, took a shower, wrote my Morning Pages, and trekked by bike for 45 minutes to the beach. Sitting on the sand, meditating and listening to a Deepak Chopra chakra alignment album, I snapped a few pics, dug my toes in the sand, then cried. At first, I didn’t know why I was crying, but the tears kept coming, so I let them fall. I cried while reciting the chant for the heart chakra, yam.
That’s when it clicked for me; there were parts of me I was still resisting. Parts that were still scarred and hurt. The young me, Lexi Pooh, was still there waiting to be embraced and accepted for her quirks. The teen me, Heaven’s Mom, she was there too, waiting to be validated and listened to. And here I was, the Mommy Mogul, wanting more than anything to push beyond what my previous versions needed because I’m living life lavishly right now. I don’t have time for big feelings.
Besides, I thought I had integrated those other selves. I thought I was done with the shadow work! I thought I was already where I wanted to be. Jealousy, envy, insecurity, and many other emotions show what your older selves are missing. I found myself comparing again, but this time it made me frustrated with myself. I mean, I thought I had already passed this lesson. Tears. Did I believe the affirmations I said to myself in the mirror? Did I love myself like I said I did? More tears. It’s crazy, they say healing isn’t linear, but what they don’t tell you is that a lot of times it feels like you’re going in circles.
But looking out at the beach, at the rocks and the sand, I remembered that these are the days I PRAYED FOR. I begged God many nights to be happy, to feel content, to travel, to create freely, to love myself, to live the life I desire. And there I was, sitting on the shore of South Beach, Miami, living a version of reality that I self-actualized.
Self-Actualization & The Live Life Lavish Mantra
Self-actualization as an individuation, or process of becoming a “self,” that is holistic (i.e., the individual realizes that one’s self and one’s environment are two pieces of a greater whole) and acts as a primary driving force of behavior in humans (Whitehead, 2017)
Self-actualization, made popular by Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sits at the top of the pyramid. It is something that we can only accomplish once our basic (food, shelter, safety) and psychological needs (love, belonging, and esteem) are met. In many ways, my Live Life Lavish mantra represents my world as a self-actualized being. It’s the world I’ve created, where I can exist authentically, sharing my gifts and knowledge, crafting and curating beautiful experiences and memories, while being deeply enamored with the world around me. A world I’ve created with my imagination, and since I love living there, I’ve decided to live there 24/7!
But how did I reach this place? First, I had to address those big, bad feelings I felt on the beach that day. Do I believe my affirmations? Yes, how can I not? For 21+ days straight, I recited, “I am open to change and I welcome it,” a sacral chakra activation. Through my words and actions, I brought about change in the form of new moves, new money, and new experiences. It looked like moving to Houston to teach with no background in education and no philanthropic organization backing my transition.
Do I truly love myself as I claim? How can I not love myself? “There’s nothing not to love about me!” But seriously, this body created two human beings. She has worked since she was 14 to take care of me and her babies. She held me every night, cooked great meals, and spent lots of bread on me. She helped me turn every half-baked idea into a real thing. She is me, and she is amazing. It’s not vain to admit one’s love for oneself. I would even say it’s sacred, as this physical vessel was the first gift God gave you.
The Trap of Outside Validation
But you know what doesn’t help you reach your own version of live life lavish? Outside validation.
More and more, I’m realizing who I actually do this work for. I don’t do it to be rich, even though I know that through this, I will amass great wealth. I do it to help people live richer, fuller lives for themselves. I know where I came from, and I know what my life would’ve been had I stayed in that place. Most people lack the courage to live their authentic lives because too many outside opinions hold them back.
Food for thought: if I listened to outsiders’ opinions, I may have never gone to college. For free, at that. I’ve had people tell me to drop out of high school and join Job Corps. I’ve had family advise me to stay local and go to community college. Once in college, I even had family suggest I drop out altogether if it got too hard, that it was good enough that I even went!
Faith and Courage Over Fear
In the grand scheme of things, no one else matters but you and God. Not your mama, your daddy, your pastor, your teacher, your boss, your colleague, your husband, hell NOT EVEN YOUR KIDS. Only you and God matter to you. Live like this is the last life you have; who knows what’s on the other side?
If you’re ready to embrace your authentic self and start your own self-actualization journey, join me inside Live Life Lavish University, my 6-week course for those who are seeking guidance and support for realigning to their life’s design. Spots for the Founding Circle are still available.
Regardless of where you are in your journey, know that the rest is being revealed once you make the first step.
Love you to life,
Cousin Lex
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