Hey family,
I don’t know what I’m writing right now. Just know it’s Thursday and I’m overdue for a blog post. I had one in the chamber, but I wanted to give you some fresh energy.
So you’re getting what I got right now.
🎶 “Ain’t No Way”: A Message in Melody
A song that’s been playing in my head is “Ain’t No Way” by Aretha Franklin. Particularly, the lines “And if you need me like you say, say you do/Oh, then please, please, please/Don’t you know that I need you?” It hasn’t come clear to me what Spirit is telling me with these lyrics, but from the song title and the rest of the lyrics, there’s something here that’s not working anymore.
🧿 Flies, Paranoia, and the Energetic Drain of Uncertainty
I can use the rest of today’s post to be vulnerable. These past few weeks, I’ve felt defensive, if not paranoid. Flies and gnats have been following me since I moved to Clayton. The TikTok spiritualist would say that monitoring spirits is a thing, and I believe it too. How do you have flies before there’s trash? I don’t know who I can trust, who’s in my corner, who’s really for me. I’ve been staying grounded, seeking my solitude, and trying not to let my awakening send me into psychosis. My spiritual senses have been tingling off the charts, but it’s murky when I seek clarity.
Now I know that I haven’t been diligent with my cleansing or my practice, which has caused some friction for me. What is God wanting from me right now? Wanting me to create and pour all of my energy into this vessel – my blog. To be a creator and continue designing the reality that I desire. So what’s stopping me? Where do I feel constricted? Why do I feel so powerful, yet give up my authority for others’ comfort?
🌕 Capricorn Full Moon in My Natal Chart
There’s currently a full moon in Capricorn, my natal moon placement in my 7th house. I don’t talk much about astrology, but I’ll spend a little time reflecting on this moon cycle today. Capricorn is cardinal earth, ruling the 10th house of career, legacy, and public reputation. Its sign begins the winter season in the northern hemisphere and is canonically associated with the goat. Ruled by Father Time, Saturn, Capricorn asks us to reflect on what we’ve done with our lives, what will be left behind for generations. As I’ve seen it represented before, did we plant a tree or a forest? In tarot, Capricorn is associated with the Devil card, pushing us to look at our shadow selves and address our self-sabotaging tendencies.
How fitting is it that I have my moon, such a cyclical and transient planetary body, in a sign that embodies long-term and sustained effort. This current transit is bringing up realities that I would rather let die – my tendency to conform for love and acceptance. My lack of dedication to my passions for a consistent time, or even my rigidity in matters of the heart.
I don’t let people in too close; at the same time, my love can become a prison of sorts, with me as the warden. Or worse, I don’t always show love in a receptive way, think the dark side of the moon, referring to the Devil card mentioned earlier. This leads to emotional games being played, with no one, not even me, knowing the rules.
🔮 Full Moon Release: Letting Go of the Old Rules
That could be what spirit is trying to tell me: this ain’t no way to love. Full moons are spiritual culminations – a cycle is ending for a new one to begin. The cycle of emotional detachment, hardening of the heart, and keeping love at arm’s length has come to an end. Because as the song says, “Ain’t no way for me to love you/If you won’t let me.” I can’t get what I want if I don’t let it come to me.
I’m glad I wrote from the heart today because one of my readers needs to hear this also. This is exactly what Life With Lexis Kai is about: me being able to help others heal through my own experience.
If this Full Moon stirred something in you—if you’re feeling the call to release, realign, and remember who you are—Live Life Lavish University was designed for this very season of your life.
LLLU is a 6-week sacred container for women ready to stop shrinking and start showing up as their whole, divine selves.
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As always, I love you to life.
Cousin Lex
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